Healing Anxious Attachment with Narrative Therapy: Why Story Matters in Therapy

For clients with anxious attachment, relationships often feel like a tangle of intensity, fear, and longing. Beneath the surface is a deep yearning for connection—and often, a chaotic internal story about what closeness means, what it costs, and why it feels so hard to hold onto.

As therapists, we know that attachment wounds are stored not just in the mind but in the body. But sometimes, the first opening for healing comes through storytelling—when a client begins to give words to what’s previously been unspoken, disjointed, or buried in self-blame.

Why Storytelling Matters for Anxious Attachment

Clients with anxious attachment often replay relational patterns without fully understanding where they come from. Their internal narrative may be scattered, hyper-focused on others, or colored by deep shame. Narrative therapy offers a way to bring coherence to that inner world—an opportunity to explore, edit, and ultimately reshape the stories clients tell about themselves and their relationships.

When we support clients in organizing their stories, we help them:

• Name relational patterns instead of reenacting them

• Clarify emotional sequences and unmet needs

• Reclaim agency within their attachment history

This narrative clarity fosters emotional regulation, helping clients shift from anxious reactivity to grounded reflection.

Practical Tools for Clinicians

If you’re working with clients who struggle with anxious attachment, here are three ways to integrate narrative techniques into your sessions:

1. Guide Story Organization for Emotional Clarity

Encourage clients to tell stories in scenes, rather than spirals. Ask:

• “Can you walk me through that interaction step by step?”

• “What did you feel at the start—and how did that shift?”

Slowing the narrative helps clients access coherence, not just catharsis.

2. Slow Down to Prevent Flooding

Clients with anxious attachment may move quickly through emotionally charged stories.

Gently invite pauses:

• “Let’s take a breath right here. What’s happening in your body as you tell this part?”

• “Would it feel okay to come back to this next session?”

This pacing supports nervous system regulation and strengthens the window of tolerance work.

3. Use Reflective Questions to Shift Patterns

Rather than analyzing, stay curious:

• “What part of you needed to be heard at that moment?”

• “What would the younger version of you want to say now?”

This invites self-compassion and creates space for new relational possibilities.

Why This Matters

The stories we help our clients tell—and re-tell—become the foundation for secure relationships. Narrative isn’t just insight; it’s a relational repair process. As clients gain a more integrated story, their capacity to trust themselves and others begins to grow.

Want to go deeper? For an in-depth exploration of how somatic storytelling transforms anxious attachment, join our upcoming training—complete with CEUs!

As always, with hope and light,

Helen Malinowski, LICSW